When you have a baby, it’s important to be on the same page as your partner. Parenting isn’t easy, but having a blueprint in front of you at the start is a great way to make sure you’re both on the same page.
It seemed like things were going pretty well between one husband and wife, except for one thing — piercings. It was a conversation they had before the birth of their now 2-month-old daughter, but they didn’t seem to reach a conclusion.
“My wife and I have a two month old daughter, Alicia,” he explained on Reddit. “We’ve been having the piercing debate since before she was born. She comes from a culture where it’s the normal thing, but I’m just not comfortable with a painful process like that and would prefer to wait until she’s older so she can choose whether to go through that for herself.”
He thought his views would be respected, but it seems like that wasn’t the case. “While we still hadn’t made a decision, my wife went for a day with her family with the baby while I had a few things I needed to sort out,” he said. “When I got home the first thing I noticed was that Alicia had a pair of gold studs.”
“I demanded to know what had happened and she said they decided to ‘make a day of it’ and just get them done,” he said. But then he did something pretty extreme. “I felt pure rage and immediately removed the earrings and threw them away,” he admitted.
His wife wasn’t pleased. “This enraged my wife and she said removing them was ‘totally disrespectful’. She slept in the spare room last night and isn’t speaking to me at all,” he wrote. “As far as I’m concerned I did the right thing.”
piercing a baby’s ears but shaming them for wanting piercings when they grow up is just ???
and not allowing your kids- especially daughters- to cut their hair ?? I’m sorry. there’s something wrong there. it’s gross. people deserve body autonomy.
— aiyana🌻🦋 (@aiyanatheflower) August 6, 2020
“She got them pierced without asking me (or more importantly, ASKING ALICIA), so I took them out, because our baby doesn’t need bits of metal sticking out of her ears,” he said. If anything, it does take the wind out of the sails of the “day” his wife had without him.
My #Polish grandmother believed that piercing a baby’s ear would ensure the child perfect eyesight. My mother had it done and her vision was phenomenal. Her sister, who would not sit still for the piercing, wore glasses all her life. #truestory #FolkloreThursday #Folklore pic.twitter.com/5R4Kyv06M7
— Christine Valentor (@ChristineV8) January 17, 2019
It’s a big debate, since he was definitely right about one thing — the practice of piercing a baby’s ears is often cultural. For many families, it’s just what you do. But he’s an active participant in his own family, so he should get a say with what happens to his daughter.
GenijisWife told a personal story about how something similar happened to her — and how it’s a constant regret. “My ears were pierced as a baby and I really wish they hadn’t been – the holes are uneven because my ears grew over time, and one hole is constantly painful/agitated and never heals over, likely damaged from the abomination that is a piercing gun,” she wrote. “It would’ve been nice to make the choice myself and be able to go to a proper piercing shop to do so – instead I have constant problems from having a piercing gun used on me when I could not consent.”
“Your wife knew your feelings on this and did it behind your back as a ‘better to ask forgiveness than permission’ move,” she continued. “She can cry about ‘disrespect’ all she wants but it was disrespectful to you, the childs other parent, to do this behind your back. Especially for something entirely aesthetic with multiple potential downsides if done incorrectly. Your daughters wellbeing is more important than her having a shiny rock in her ears.”